In my last post I told you about our sweet dog, Penny.
After I did that post I kept receiving phone calls from people in our neighborhood who had seen her hanging out on their street or behind their houses in the woods. Strangely, she always appeared just after the boys got on the bus, so I would throw on shoes and head out to look for her.
On Thursday of that week I spent about two hours trying to catch her. I saw her a couple of times with my own eyes, so I knew it was her. She saw me too, but kept running into the woods where she blended in perfectly with the dead leaves that were up to a foot deep in some areas. I took milk bones with me and tried to follow her into the woods, where another dog who was a little territorial came at me with it's teeth bared. I threw the bones as far as I could and got out of there. We decided that since she was hanging out in the same area we would take a big group of my family who was coming in that weekend and see if we could kind of herd her out of the woods. We thought she might come to my mom, since she had her longer than we did.
Friday I had to spend the day at the local theater because Trevor's choir was doing their big Singing Christmas Tree performance. I didn't have my phone on me most of the day. Afterwards I went to do a little grocery shopping and I got a text from Chad. He wanted to know if I was home. "Strange." I thought. Chad doesn't just text me in the middle of a work day to shoot the breeze. I told him I was grocery shopping. He texted me a few more times asking what was for dinner, etc. I finished my shopping, thinking it was weird that he was texting me, but grateful that he was thinking of me during the day. I headed home. When I got home I got another text from him. I responded that I was home. My phone rang about ten seconds later.
It was Chad. He sounded strange, kind of emotional. "I got a call from the vet. They found Penny."
Relief flooded through me. "That's great!"
"No Kristen, she passed away."
The relief was replaced with confusion and despair. Chad went on to explain that he had gotten a phone call from a friend of ours from church while he was at work. Penny had shown up in his yard that morning. She didn't show any signs of being hit by a car or anything, she was just lifeless. He took her to the local animal hospital to see if they knew who her owner was. He had no idea she belonged to us. The crazy thing is that he lives at least three miles away, not in our neighborhood at all. The vet had a lost dog report that I filed, so they tried to call me. I didn't answer because I didn't have my phone on me at the theater. They happened to mention our last name, and when they did, Jabus (our friend), said he knew us and had Chad's cell number. He called Chad and told him he would bring her to our house. Chad met him at home and buried her.
As he was explaining what happened I began to sob. I sat on my bed and cried like I haven't cried in years. All three of the boys were home and I had neglected to shut my door. As soon as they walked in, they knew what had happened. They began to cry as well. I will never forget the feeling of having my twelve year old crawl into my lap and how helpless I felt at comforting him. I somehow managed to fit all three of them onto my lap, or at least around me as close as they could get. We cried together for a long time, and I told them how sorry I was. I felt so guilty, that maybe I didn't try hard enough to catch her. Blake told me it wasn't my fault, that we all tried. I told them that I believe that all dogs go to Heaven, and that perhaps Penny was there taking care of Great Grandpa McGhie (who passed away in April 2013). They seemed a little comforted by this. Kade asked if we could get another boxer puppy, I told him that I didn't think that would be a good idea right now.
Luckily Sophie was in Murfreesboro with my sisters, so she didn't experience this with us. She wouldn't (and doesn't) understand very well. If you ask her where Penny is, she will tell you that she's in Heaven with Grandpa. But then she also will say that Penny went back to Grandma's house and she'll be right back.
The next few weeks were rough. We had a lot of celebrating to do with our 13th wedding anniversary, my birthday, Sophie's birthday, Christmas at my parent's house, actual Christmas and Blake's birthday. Those first few were really hard to celebrate. The day before our anniversary I walked around in a fog of depression. I couldn't focus on anything and every little thing stressed me out. Finally, I crawled up next to Chad on our bed and just cried. We both cried for a long time (me more than him...he just wiped his eyes a few times, in a very manly way). We talked about how we didn't think we could get so attached to a dog in such a short time (though we have been around Penny a lot in the few years my mom had her, so we were attached to her before she came to live with us). After that I felt a little better. I still had a very rough week and just wanted December to be over, but I was able to enjoy the more jolly moments that occurred.
I knew that the kids needed some kind of closure. We talked about having a little funeral or something. I remembered seeing little boxer stuffed animals at Hobby Lobby, so I bought four of them. I took some scrap fabric that I had and made each of them a bandana, then I wrapped them up and put them under the Christmas tree. On Christmas Eve the kids opened their pajamas from Grandma and Grandpa Peterson, and then I pulled out the bags with the dogs in them. I was surprised by how much they loved them, even my super cool 12 year old hugged it and seemed to really love it. We put our pajamas on and settled down to watch a movie, and all four of the kids snuggled with their "Penny-dog" (as Sophie calls them).
They sleep with those things every night, and I am constantly stepping over one of them on the floor...not unlike having the actual Penny around, except they don't snot on my leg every time I walk by them.
The other night I was tucking Sophie into bed and she told me that Penny is now with Jesus. She asked me if I would ask Him to give her back. I love the innocence of children! I am grateful for a testimony of Jesus and the Plan of Salvation. I told her that Penny is taking care of Great Grandma and Grandpa McGhie and that they need her now more than we do. She snuggled down with her stuffed Penny and drifted off to sleep.
I have spent a lot of time beating myself up over how this all happened. I don't fully understand it, and I probably never will. We have talked about it and have gone over things many times, trying to figure it out. We know that Penny had a heart murmur. She was acting strange for a few days before she left. I mentioned to Chad a couple of times that she wasn't acting like herself. When I was chasing her down streets and though the woods she wouldn't come to me, and that just wasn't Penny. We think perhaps she really was sick and just was either out of her head or didn't want to come home to die in front of us. As far as how she ended up three miles away after she stayed so close for almost a week, there is only one explanation that makes sense. There was a thunderstorm the night before she was found, and she was deathly afraid of thunder and lightening. My mom used to have to give her valium during thunderstorms. We think that she got scared and took off running until her poor heart just gave out.
We said many prayers the week we were trying to find her, and my first inclination was to think that those prayers went unanswered. But the night she was buried Chad gave our family prayer and he said something that has stuck with me. He mentioned that he was thankful for the knowledge of what happened to Penny, and that we were able to bring her home in the end. Heavenly Father isn't always able to answer our prayers the way we want Him to, but He does answer them. We are thankful for Jabus and the fact that he went out of his way to take a dead dog to the vet to try to locate her owners. How many people would do that? He helped to provide the closure we needed, and we will never forget his example.
I am sorry this post was so long, and so sad. I couldn't bring myself to type it up before now without "ugly crying", and it was hard enough to do it a month later! Time heals all wounds, and we are on the mend. Thank you for your prayers!
